Meg Logan’s Blog

(This is an email touching on toilet training, reading and discipline. I trained my son to use the potty by the time he was 15 months old. I started when he was 12 months and had just started walking.)
Here is what I did, taken from an email written to a friend:

You asked two very interesting questions:
1. How did you complete training by 15 months?
2. How did you teach your son to read?

Let me begin to answer by stressing the Lord’s involvement. He was faithful to provide wisdom to me whenever I sought it. I was faithful only in the implementation of that information. And I must stress, I am not a perfect mother. I occasionally yell at my kids, and get upset at little things that should not upset me. I am not 100% consistent, and my son is not 100% obedient. I strive to be consistent more and more, so that my son will learn to submit his will to my authority, so that when the time comes he can more easily submit his will to the authority of Christ, whom he cannot see.

I must also point out that all children are different. My son is particularly gifted mentally. He is also very rules orientated and neat. He dislikes messes, and disorder. He is also very stubborn. He is so willful that at six months he was looking over his shoulder at me and grinning while he touched a “no no”. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing. I say all this to point out that all children are different, and that I would not train another boy in exactly the same way as I trained my first son. (My daughter for the record is totally different, calm, submissive, and of average intelligence it would seem so far.)

When I started my son using the potty, the very first thing I did was toss out the window the assumption that he “has to be ready” before I start teaching the potty. I have learned over the course of experience not to trust in the wisdom of men, and pediatricians are generally of the “wisdom of men” variety. So I put the idea that what I was doing was impossible at worst and improbable at best far behind me, and pressed forward with commitment.

First, I had already familiarized him with what happens in the bathroom. I took him with me there. I pointed out what I was doing. I praised myself for going potty. I just made this a normal part of the daily routine. It wasn’t something big and special, just life as normal.

Then, I put my son in cloth diapers during the daytime. I pointed out to him when the diaper was wet. If I didn’t catch the pee, I pointed it out anyway. I had him touch the wetness, and I told him it was pee. I said all this in a happy tone like peeing was just a wonderful thing!

Then, I started getting more proactive. I took off the diapers in the day time, and pointed out to him that he was peeing. He would look down and grin. I did not get angry when he went on the floor, but DID tell him that “pee pee goes in the potty not on the floor”.

After a couple weeks, I started making him clean up his messes, and frowning when his pee went on the floor, and using a disappointed tone to say “no no pee pee in the potty!”. I applauded and cheered (a bit) when he went in the potty. He wanted to please me. This was also just a part of everyday life, just a normal part of growing up. It wasn’t left to his “readiness” or his decision. Since when do toddlers know what is good for them? You wouldn’t let him decide when it was time to walk across the street! I just acted like the mother God intended us to be. Authoritative, in control, the leader of his life. As a toddler they get to make very few choices on their own. Why? Because they don’t have enough experience or restraint to make the right choice.

When he was going in the potty on a regular basis (every time without an accident, but by my clock not his decision) I started to require him to make the decision. I would wait longer and longer to ask. If he asked before I did, that was great and we went. He asked alot. One day however, I had to travel to NY from NC by plane, and I had him in a pull up “just in case”. He went FOUR HOURS without peeing. I thought surely I would have missed it, but he held it for four hours without my reminder. After that I knew that he could hold it, and it became a requirement.

If he asked to use the potty and I couldn’t find one right away he was required to hold it. (He never got spanked for this if the time got to be long, but I also don’t remember having any accidents this way either.) If I asked him if he needed to go potty and he said “no” that was fine, but if five minutes later he wet himself, I did administer a small swat on the thigh. There was no shame in this, it was not a punishment, but a slight deterrent. If I KNEW he had to go, and I TOLD him to go potty, but he refused, I considered this outright disobedience just like any other command which was disobeyed, and he was given the rod on his behind.

I do not believe that training a baby/child without negative consequences to use the potty will be effective, unless you want to wait until they finally decide that they WANT to use the potty. But a child without any direction at all will wait a LONG time to choose the potty. Furthermore, what you teach them is that you require their obedience in all areas but this one. And that means they will test their authority in this as much as possible, thereby prolonging the training.

Well that about sums it up for how I trained my son. The way you do it will invariable be somewhat different!

Regarding teaching him to read, I first started by teaching him his letters. I taught him to recognize letters by writing them first in order, about four or five at a time on a magna doodle and saying what they were. Then asking him to point to the “m” or whatnot. When he could point to all the letters, even when they were out of order, I taught him the ABC song. Then I bought the book “Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons” . For the record, teaching a child book work, and such still requires you to be the boss, and the disciplinarian. My son has an awful penchant for rebellion when it comes to learning. For example, I know without a doubt that he knows his ABC’s, but when asked to recited them he may say he doesn’t know them, or he may purposely say them out of order. I discipline for this. If you do not require obedience across the board of life, you will find that what ever you allow him to have his way in, he will take his way in frequently, it will become worse and worse, and will likely flow into other areas. I require his obedience at nap time, at eating time, at learning time, at playing time and at cleaning time (he could clean his entire 12×12 playroom by himself by 3). Consistently across the board.

He used to go on “food strikes”, where he would not eat what I offered him, usually something he was known to enjoy eating, after the first one which lasted a day because I couldnt figure out what was going on, he never had one last through a whole meal. He ate every meal I offered. This has had positive results in his pre-school “picky eater” years, he isn’t picky. There is only one food that he is not required to eat, Shrimp, he hates them, he gags, and they are expensive, so he is allowed that ONE exception.otherwise he eats whatever I serve, which makes for one healthy eater, and one who is not picky at all! and the “experts” think this is impossible! Worldly wisdom is not wise at all, but foolishness. Trust in the truth of the Lord.