As most of you know, I am a stay at home wife and mother. I thought I might tell you why, incase you ever wondered.
Biblical Reasons
Frist and foremost my reasons for coming home and staying there revolve around the Word of God. He has set a role for women to fill, a very special role that ONLY a woman can fill. We were created to be helpers to our husbands Gen 2:18. (mouse over to see verse). It is not good that he be alone, so God created us women especially for our men, to love them and nurture them, to care for their homes and their children as we are commanded in Tit 2:5 . That we are to be obedient to our husbands Eph 5:22. This does not demean us, or take from us freedom, but rather opens true freedom to us, in that we are free to love as we are made to, and to find joy in being women of purpose.
It seems pretty clear to me that a woman who is seeking to serve her Master, the Lord Jesus, will find in her heart the desire to be at home. If that desire is not there “naturally” the good Lord is faithful to give to those who ask, just as He gave it to me. In order to be a good helper for our husbands, Titus 2 tells us that we must be keepers at home, and obedient to him. Now I have known some men who require their wives to work, I believe it is wrong, but it is not for the woman to rebel against her husband’s wishes. A faithful woman would submit to his desire that she work outside of the home until such time as the Lord changes her husband’s heart and he allows her to come home. Our first priority is serving the Lord, and our second is serving our husbands. After which comes children and home.
When we read the account of a godly woman in Proverbs 31 we see a woman who is hard at work maintaining and growing her family. She works hard, and strengthens her arms, she rises early and provides food and clothes for her family. She delegates to her servants and children, and she buys and sells under the authority of her husband. This does not sound like the menial, and often described “boring” work of being a mother and wife. It sounds like she was wise and discerning, and that she put her hands to work and made a profit. All of this work was done from her home base, with her children under her watchful eye. (They didn’t have a public school or daycare to send them off to in those days!) As I mentioned in my “Arguement for Homeschooling” we are commanded to teach our own children at home, by the wayside, when we go out and when we come in, and on and on, precept upon precept Isa. 28:10 and Isa. 28:13 .
Economic Reasons
Contrary to popular belief, a one income home is completely possible in the America. In fact, a one income home run wisely provides more available money than a two income home. Just think about all the money we waste on business attire, makeup, and shoes to look the professional. Just think of all the money that goes down the drain to pay for that second car, and the daycare for your one to three kids, or more! To stop working outside of the home, you must be wise with money, not greedy and frugal, sure. But that is part of the joy of being home, in seeking the most economic and frugal ways to provide for the family you are usingyour brain in wonderufl ways. Those who think that coming home means that your brain goes numb are foolish. They certainly may allow their minds to numb up if they don’t seek ways to use it, but let me tell you, there are myriad ways to put it to good use at home, including: frugality, planning lessons, creating a work at home job, managing time, managing kids (the more you have the harder you work and use that mind!), thinking up ways to serve your family and your community, volunteering.
You see there are plenty of things to think abotu at home, and you can even make more money staying home. Now for a link to a popular book “The Two Income Trap”, and a blog that interviewed the author. Let it be known that while I agree with the economic undertanding of the two income trap, I do not support the book or the blog necessarily, as I am unfamiliar with both. But the book seems to make the reasonable point that two incomes are actually NOT better than one, which I agree with.
FUN Reasons
Let’s face it, going to work 9-5 is USUALLY very boring. It means waking up on someone else’s time schedule, coming in to work for someone else’s profit and taking vacation and time off only with someone else’s approval. Now if you work for yourself you might not have that problem, but I would think most people who work for themselves might be able to work from home. When you are home you are able to do all kinds of fun things, like go to the park with your kids! (Or in the case you don’t have two cars, you ca get together with another mom and her kids!) If you train your children rightly, they are truly fun and a blessing instead of obnoxious and annoying. You can take the kids to the zoo! You can ride bikes together, you can do art projects. Heck make a really difficult project for yourself to get that mind working! You can volunteer in any way that you find fun. You can read, you can watch the TV (though I don’t recommend it, it isn’t very good these days.) You can watch your child take her first step, or say his first word, or eat his first banana. You can play games with other moms or with your kids. You can take the kids to a movie. You can go to amusement parks (if that is your thing). There is all kinds of fun to be had. Just look around for it and get inventive.
Safe Reasons
When you stay home you can watch those kids, and keep them from some of the worse things of life. When you are around to watch them you significantly decrease the chances that they will be kidnapped, molested, raped, or killed in an accident. I’m certainly not saying that these things can’t happen under Mother’s watchful eye, sometimes it does. The case remains that the chances for such awful things to happen decreases.
Loving Reasons
When we care for our children, they feel loved rather than rejected. Even kids who have parents and lose one to death often interpret that as rejection. How much more so to know that your mother or father don’t care to keep company with you. When you stay home you can show your kids that you love them, not just tell them. You have time to go to ball games together, time to work next to each other, time to serve them, all these things show a kid that you love them. (Not to mention doing these things for your husband! but we will get to that.) Baking cookies together shows kids that you care, that you enjoy them, that they are worth knowing and spending time with. Kid’s don’t understand why their mommy has to work, money to the very young is inconsiquential. The older kids may have come to realize that they will never have Mother at home, and have stopped wanting that, but now they want all manner of objects. A nice hip sweater or pair of jeans or hundred dollar sneakers. And why do they want those things? For two reasons, 1> they are trying to find ways that you show you love them, through what you buy them, 2> they choose what you buy based on what peers have. Ever notice how this is happening sooner and sooner these days? I think it might have to do with how early we force kids into an unnatural environment filled with their age peers, and only one or two adults.
Marital Reasons
When a woman is home she has time to think about pleasing her husband (as long as she doesn’t spend all her time thinking about pleasing herself or her kids.) To make a marraige work and keep it together a woman must dedicate herself to her husband. (And he ought to be dedicated to her too, but I’m not worried about making men do what they ought, I just tell women to do what they ought, and then watch how their men turn around and do what they should too!) When a woman can present herself to her husband in a way that he pleases, she ties him to herself, and no hoochie mama at the office is going to take him from her. When a woman goes out of the way to please her husband, and to love on him and respect him, he is tied to her. He is bolstered inside by her love and admiration of him, and it causes him to love her even more. Even the very selfish man will be tied more securely to the woman who dotes on him and who admires him. What? You don’t think there is anything admirable about your husband?? I bet that hoochie mama at the office might think his “weak will” is “gentleness” and his “refusal to speak” is “listening skills”. Think your husband is arrogant? or confident? Think he is a workaholic or ambitious?? It is all in how you look at it ladies. Train you rmind to admire your husband just as he is, and to express that to him, and you will keep him from chasing after the ego pleaser hoochie mama at the office.
I think that this is plenty for now. Questions? Comments?? If you want to read more about this visit Ladies Against Feminism, a forum against the Feminist Movement and for the New Woman’s Movement.
Wow, you could almost have done a post per reason! Great post, Meg!
If you want to cross post onto MInTheGap– feel free!
thanks!
Ha! I hope you know that I PRIMARILY agree with what you have written, certainly with your description of our priorities as Christian wives. That said, I would like to make two small points:
1) We MAY over-emphasize the “at home” part of the Titus 2 passage. In Biblical times, women didn’t have options. Being diligent, loving, and sensible, I think is more the point of the passage. In other words, love your husband and children by working hard, not by sitting around eating bon-bons and watching soap operas (what the world thinks we do).
2) I disagree with you about the FUN reasons. Working is fun. There are people there to talk to, and if they don’t do what you want — you can FIRE them. Those other things are more satisfying, yes, but looking back on a long season of being at home and homeschooling, hey, it’s lonely. There is a cost to be counted.
Yes, I’d go back to work in a heartbeat, but not at the expense of my family. And, praise God, He simply won’t allow it. Meantime, I need to discipline myself about the working hard part. I’d really rather just sit around and talk about what’s for dinner. (Maybe that’s the older woman encouragement part?)
Rebecca, Thank you for your respectful tone in your disagreement. I really appreciate that.
Yet, I must strongly disagree with you. We cannot pick and choose which verses we would like to obey today. The Word of God is perfect, and supra cultural. It is true that women in that day did not have opportunity to work outide of the home, but it is still true that a woman’s first role and duty is to her family, from the home. One cannot make a solid arguement that leaving one’s home for the workplace is actually better for her family. To allow another to raise one’s children (which are a blessing and a reward of the Lord, and to be taught to love Him) is to not fulfill one’s duty as a mother. If a woman does not have children, or if her children are grown, I would argue that it is possible to work and still be serving your family, as long as your husband still comes before your work. (Also, only if your husband allows it. It isn’t a woman’s RIGHT to work outside of the home, it is a privilege.)
Regarding if work is fun, well maybe so, but working at home is more fun! It is true that the work at home is often harder, and can at times seem “boring” but I would argue that it could be MADE into fun if one so chose. Of course in the end, fun isn’t necessary (in fact in our society I would argue it is highly overrated), but I would also say it is a bonus.
Regarding discontetment at home, I would like to point out that today’s culture certainly encourages women to be dissatisfied at home. We are told that workplace work is to be valued and enjoyed above raising children and caring for a home. We are encouraged to go to college to prepare us for a professional career. All of these things encourage women to be dissatisfied with the work at home. But that is not God’s plan. True joy and true fulfillment comes when we do what God wants us to as depicted in His Word. The closer we are to what He sets out as right, the greater joy and fulfillment we will have (even in trials and persecutions).
Your Sister in Christ,
Mrs Meg Logan
Ha! (Again). I am afraid I was misunderstood. To clarify: I am in no way advocating “leaving one’s home for the workplace” nor “to allow another to raise one’s children”. You and I are in complete agreement on that!
But consider this: if our society were not so anti-child, there would be more opportunities for doing things outside the home WITHOUT neglecting family. Opportunities to serve or work with your children, for example.
The Titus 2 passage is addressed to older women, instructing them to teach the younger what is good. Perhaps if that were happening, life at home would not be so lonely.
And for your readers who don’t know me: my youngest child is almost finished with high school, and I meet my husband at his office daily to walk on his lunch hour. Unfortunately for me, I just have alot of words.
I think that Rebecca made pretty clear that she would not place work over family– and I think that the workplace has been made into a fun place for women. I mean, in some places standards have been relaxed, things have been introduced to make the workplace more accomodating– as well as the prep stuff that you talk about, Meg.
The interesting thing is watching the counter revolution in action. More women are wanting to be home with their families and they’re finding that there are modern day “land to buy”, etc. There’s a lot of fields opening up online, etc.
The unique challenge for the woman is there, if she wants to take it.
Rebecca,
Sorry if I misunderstood your point. I thought you were disagreeing that women ought to be home. Well, in anycase, I certainly agree with the idea of women being able to take their children with them to outside work. I think that would fall inline with Scripture quite nicely, as the woman in Proverbs 31 plants and harvests a vineyard (obviously that wasn’t in the home), she must take her children with her, and thereby take home with her. I have met vrey few women who are able to have a job outside of the home, take their children (especially beyond baby years, or more than one at a time) keep up the house, and the job. It sure would be nice if more opportunity like that were afforded women. My husband and I are considering a store front that we would run, where I would take my children with me. It would be like home away from home… so I can definately see that being a scriptural possibility.
MIN the counter revolution sure is exciting. I enjoy watching it too… we are a part of history in the making! lol.
Mrs Meg Logan